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The relationship edge…Are you on it, in it, or over it?

Beginning a relationship is easy.

 

Exploration is predominantly on the surface. Nothing too deep. Nothing too wide. Nothing too revealing. In the beginning, all is well. Friendships blossom. Feelings emerge. And life is good.

 

It’s like fast dancing at a bar. You kind of get to know the other person without touching them. Watch them move, see their rhythm, exchange smiles, scream a word or two, and at the end of the song, thank the person for their time.

 

You get to know them, and decide if you want to dance again. If you like them, and believe you have some things in common, you may dance again. And again.

 

If you feel good about the relationship, and a bit of trust emerges, you may permit a transaction to take place. A meeting, a dinner, a sale, or in a social setting, even a kiss.

 

As the relationship matures facts and truths begin to reveal themselves — causing decisions to be made about the future of the relationship, including things like its length.

 

And one day you begin to see things you’ve never seen before, because life and business life takes over and reality sets in based on daily transactions and interactions, coupled with patience, emotions, feelings, and responses.

 

Measuring value, worth, and trust of the relationship in business.

 

I’ll refer to these elements as edges. You have edges or levels, past which you will not go. Tolerance levels, social levels, service levels, philosophical levels, and business levels. If someone tries to go past your edge, your tolerance level, you, in some manner, rebuff or deny them. Maybe even dismiss them.

 

Your compatibility for and with the other person’s edges, combined with your acceptance of the other person’s edges, will determine how the relationships grows or dies.

 

For example, I’m not a smoker. Nor am I much of a drinker. If I’m around a drinking smoker, it’s past my edges, and I don’t want to be around them much. I didn’t say ever. I just said much.

 

I may have a business relationship with a smoking drinker, but I’d never have a social relationship with him or her.

 

There are ethical edges, both personal and business. If someone goes past your ethical edges, you have a reaction, often acute, that says “danger.” It can be as “innocent” as cheating on your golf score, of as serious as cheating on your taxes or not paying your bills. It can be an erroneous invoice or an unmet crucial (promised) delivery date – but whatever it is, it’s a relationship breaker.

 

And then there’s the emotional edges. How someone reacts when something goes wrong, or how someone responds to a point of argument. And how you feel about or judge their reaction. Are they whiny? Are they quick tempered? Are they abrasive? Are they abusive? Are they somewhat of a wildcard? Flying off the handle. Or worse, showing characteristics that you either don’t like, or fear. A temper. A hostility. A vindictiveness. An anger. An insult. Even the threat of physical violence.

 

In other words, are they inside (safe) or outside (unsafe) your emotional edge?

 

Edges have a counterpoint: tolerance. You can tolerate almost anything for a short space of time. But each time someone goes over your edge, you become less and less tolerant, either verbally or silently.

 

Personally, I believe that “past the edge” silent thoughts are more dangerous and more powerful. Dangerous because they’re left unsaid, and allow the present situation to continue. More powerful because they begin to deepen and build emotion. And like any latent power, eventually, it explodes.

 

What are your edges? Where do you draw the line? What are you wiling to accept in others in order to continue a relationship? Many spousal relationships become petty before they end. Leaving the cap off the toothpaste. Dirty laundry lying around. Dirty dishes in the sink. The gas tank on empty. Dumb little things that erode love because after a hundred abrasive times, it’s over someone else’s edge.

 

Of course, there are worse edges in personal relationships. For the purposes of this writing, I’d rather not get into them. And if you’ve forgotten what they are — any local news program will remind you of them nightly.

 

Rather, I’m challenging you to widen your field of acceptable edges. Extend your patience. Figure out how you can help first rather than complain, nag, bicker, nitpick, or whine. Figure out how you can compromise just a bit more. Figure how you can have a bit more understanding and empathy for the other guys position or situation. And figure out how you can be more of a resource than a resister. More of a yes than a no.

 

Your personal edges determine your business and career edges. And your happiness.

 

If you would like to know the areas where edges, both yours and others, are likely to reveal themselves, go to www.gitomer.com, register if you’re a first time user, and enter EDGES in the GitBit box.

 

 

Jeffrey Gitomer is the author of twelve best-selling books including The Sales Bible, The Little Red Book of Selling, and The Little Gold Book of Yes! Attitude. His real-world ideas and content are also available as online courses at www.GitomerLearningAcademy.com. For information about training and seminars visit www.Gitomer.com or www.GitomerCertifiedAdvisors.com, or email Jeffrey personally at salesman@gitomer.com.

 

 

© 2016 All Rights Reserved. Don’t even think about reproducing this document

without written permission from Jeffrey H. Gitomer and Buy Gitomer. 704/333-1112

 

 

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Drew Limsky

Drew Limsky

Editor-in-Chief

BIOGRAPHY

Drew Limsky joined Lifestyle Media Group in August 2020 as Editor-in-Chief of South Florida Business & Wealth. His first issue of SFBW, October 2020, heralded a reimagined structure, with new content categories and a slew of fresh visual themes. “As sort of a cross between Forbes and Robb Report, with a dash of GQ and Vogue,” Limsky says, “SFBW reflects South Florida’s increasingly sophisticated and dynamic business and cultural landscape.”

Limsky, an avid traveler, swimmer and film buff who holds a law degree and Ph.D. from New York University, likes to say, “I’m a doctor, but I can’t operate—except on your brand.” He wrote his dissertation on the nonfiction work of Joan Didion. Prior to that, Limsky received his B.A. in English, summa cum laude, from Emory University and earned his M.A. in literature at American University in connection with a Masters Scholar Award fellowship.

Limsky came to SFBW at the apex of a storied career in journalism and publishing that includes six previous lead editorial roles, including for some of the world’s best-known brands. He served as global editor-in-chief of Lexus magazine, founding editor-in-chief of custom lifestyle magazines for Cadillac and Holland America Line, and was the founding editor-in-chief of Modern Luxury Interiors South Florida. He also was the executive editor for B2B magazines for Acura and Honda Financial Services, and he served as travel editor for Conde Nast. Magazines under Limsky’s editorship have garnered more than 75 industry awards.

He has also written for many of the country’s top newspapers and magazines, including The New York Times, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Miami Herald, Boston Globe, USA Today, Worth, Robb Report, Afar, Time Out New York, National Geographic Traveler, Men’s Journal, Ritz-Carlton, Elite Traveler, Florida Design, Metropolis and Architectural Digest Mexico. His other clients have included Four Seasons, Acqualina Resort & Residences, Yahoo!, American Airlines, Wynn, Douglas Elliman and Corcoran. As an adjunct assistant professor, Limsky has taught journalism, film and creative writing at the City University of New York, Pace University, American University and other colleges.